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diff --git a/src/gizmo/wasp-pronunciation.el b/src/gizmo/wasp-pronunciation.el
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+;;; wasp-pronunciation --- Canonical pronunciation -*- lexical-binding: t; -*-
+;;; Commentary:
+;;; Code:
+
+(require 'dash)
+(require 's)
+(require 'wasp-utils)
+
+(defconst w/pronunciation-premade ;; funny options
+  '("LCOLONQ"
+    "Joel"
+    "mod clonk"
+    "Columbo"
+    "/ɛ:l.kʰɔloʊŋkʰ/"
+    "Γ Column"
+    "notgeiser"
+    "funny magic man"
+    "Lucius Coloncus Quintilianus"
+    "rogueliTe"
+    "Heidy Barnett"
+    "Krya"
+    "Laconic"
+    "Loincloth"
+    "Costco"
+    ))
+
+(defconst w/pronunciation-part1 ;; the LLLL
+  '("El"
+    "Eel"
+    "El El El El"
+    "La"
+    "Le"
+    "Luh"
+    "Loo"
+    "Lo"
+    "Al"
+    "All"
+    "Ale"
+    "Ail"
+    "Fifty"
+    "Long"
+    "Long Long Long Long"
+    ))
+
+(defconst w/pronunciation-part2 ;; the Colon
+  '("Colon"
+    "Cologne"
+    "Collin"
+    "Clon"
+    "Clown"
+    "Clone"
+    "Clun"
+    "Cuhlun"
+    "See"
+    "Cloin"
+    "Coloin"
+    ))
+
+(defconst w/pronunciation-part3 ;; the Q
+  '("Kuh"
+    "Queue"
+    "Kweh"
+    "Kiu"
+    "Kiew"
+    "Coo"
+    "Kewl"
+    ))
+
+(defun w/pronuciation ()
+  "Determine the canonical pronunciation of LCOLONQ."
+  (if (= 0 (random 10))
+      (w/pick-random w/pronunciation-premade)
+    (let ((part1 (w/pick-random w/pronunciation-part1))
+          (part2 (w/pick-random w/pronunciation-part2))
+          (part3 (w/pick-random w/pronunciation-part3))
+          (skip1 (= 0 (random 5)))
+          (skip3 (= 0 (random 5)))
+          (merge (= 0 (random 2))))
+      (s-concat
+       (if skip1 "" (s-concat part1 " "))
+       part2
+       (if skip3
+           ""
+         (if merge
+             (s-downcase part3)
+           (s-concat " " part3)))))))
+
+(provide 'wasp-pronunciation)
+;;; wasp-pronunciation.el ends here